The Choice to Care ~

When I first met Ika Amulu a condemned man at R. J Donovan, it was by way of a letter for our "Truth for the Youth" initiative. I read his story, and valued the philosophical tone and how it was weaved with the lesson of accountability and responsibility to self, then responsibility to humanity. The sentence that stood out the most is this one: The choice to care is my greatest responsibility.

A couple of weeks later, I able to meet Ika over the tablet phone and I recognized his gratitude immediately. He valued the resources I was sending to the group on B yard and he welcomed the opportunity to formally become a facilitator for our newly, still in development program called R.I.S.E.

Over the past nine months, I have come to really appreciate how hard working, present and transformational his experience has been. We have spoken a few times over the tablet phone briefly, and each time, he expresses gratitude, reinforces the lessons learned and explains how enriching it is for him.

Ika was already walking a path of accountability and healing well before I came along, and I want to acknowledge that first. There is something I think about often, though. I would never diminish a victim or the harm caused by crime. When someone breaks the law, consequences matter. Accountability matters.

What I struggle with is how rarely people seem curious about how someone gets to where they are. I find it difficult when I hear hard line statements about prisoners. Phrases like “Can’t do the time, don’t do the crime,” or “One less POS on the street,” or calls to kill someone immediately because that is what the death penalty is for.

I understand the anger behind those words, but I cannot ignore the absence of curiosity, compassion, or context. I wonder what we lose as a society when we stop asking how people arrive at the worst moments of their lives, and whether accountability and understanding truly have to exist in opposition to one another.

Because I carry an endless appetite for curiosity, I ask questions that others avoid. I am deeply empathetic and compassionate in the darkest places, the ones society would rather ignore. I have been gifted insight into a more zoomed out perspective. I have been entrusted with some of the deepest confessions, the rawness of shame, testimonies, and trauma stories that often leave me on the edge of my seat. And through this, I have come to understand something important. Those who have not been entrusted with this depth of information, this clarity, this context, and this proximity to human pain often speak from distance rather than understanding.

So the question becomes this. How do we pave a road to redemption when much of society remains distant from the hidden world behind bars, in cages, and under sentences of condemnation? One way is by listening. By creating space for truth to be spoken without interruption, judgment, or spectacle.

What follows is a letter he read aloud during a "Day of Healing" by Mend Collaborative at RJ Donovan in December. It is not an argument or a defense. It is a window. An invitation to step closer, to hear what is rarely heard, and to understand what distance often denies.

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Re: Day of Healing                               November 19, 2025

Greetings,

Thanks to everyone for this moment to share my journey of transformation of healing. As a daily practice of positive confessions, I restructure my thinking patterns. With these words of courage, determination, and strength, I have set the path for my transformation. “Today, I will follow my life plan… to be a survivor.”

According to David Richo, author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships, he describes the five (5) psychological/emotional needs of every child. All children need attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing in order to develop self-esteem and a healthy ego.

So, within my household as a child, the adverse childhood experience that affected me was abandonment by my caregiver. My Adverse Childhood Experience was accompanied by the lack of affection, attention, and allowing that produced a negative feeling and belief about myself, which I carried onward into my adulthood.

There was a time when my thinking, beliefs, and behavior became anti-social and criminal, negatively impacting myself, others, and the community as a result of the ACE’s. The perspective that I had of myself determined the path that I chose in life and the values I attributed to that path. In having the wrong views or thoughts of who I was, I had reinforced the negative self-image to become a driving force.

As part of my transformation, I have revised my understanding and present a new rational description of who I am. Also, I have renewed my thought patterns based on the welfare, justice, and integrity. The idea of community service is the clear vision of why I have come to these conclusions.

In closing, looking within, I have turned the abandonment issue into purpose and replaced grievance with resilience. Ralph Waldo Emerson spoke these words, “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decided to be.”

Today, I will be a survivor.

Respectfully,

Ika Amulu

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Letter for Truth for the Youth

To My Younger Self

Responsibility and Choice

It’s been said that if you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem, period.

So, I’ve made a conscious decision to be part of society’s solution.

I’ve accepted the responsibility to care:

To care about others.

To care about our community.

To care about my actions and how they affect those around me.

To care about being true to my recovery.

Responsibility is a choice.

And the choice to care is my greatest responsibility.

This is how I’ve chosen to improve, develop, and become whole.

Caring is a process of making good on our responsibilities, which builds self-esteem and confidence, and that strength helps us accept even greater responsibilities. Caring requires a fresh commitment every single day. It connects responsibility to problem-solving.

By definition, the word care is a verb—an action.

To care means:

To give watchful attention.

To be concerned.

To have a liking or fondness.

To feel interest.

These are the responsibilities I’ve taken on toward all forms of creation.

The idea of a higher code of ethics, a spiritual responsibility to mankind, has become my greatest endeavor.

I believe my humanity can gain momentum through social awareness, and in doing so, begin to redefine my value, my social currency.

I am responsible for my redemption.

I am responsible for my atonement.

I am responsible for my self-transformation.

I am responsible for discovering the meaning of my life.

I am responsible for humbling myself.

I am responsible for developing a course of action for change.

I am present.

I am responsible for defining the principles that will guide my life.

I am responsible for developing discipline and initiative.

I am responsible for my anger.

I am responsible for nurturing my mind, body, and spirit.

I am responsible for controlling my ego.

I am responsible for being the creator, and the leader, of my future.

In conclusion, these are my responsibilities in becoming a solution to any problem within my influence.

But the question remains…

Do you care?